What do you want to be when you grow up?

Tuesday, 09 December 2008

What do you want to be when you grow up?
There has always been one answer to this question. A nurse. I have wanted to be a nurse for as long as I remember. Of course I still have my days where I believe I was destined to be a famous singer and I put on a show in front of my mirror and use my hairbrush as a microphone and sing. R-E-S-P-E-C-T as loud as I possible can. Those days will be there until the day i die. :) At least my 'I wanna be a mermaid stage is over man... that was along 23 years. ;)

When I think about childhood today especially my childhood a tear always finds it way to my eye. Children are robbed of their childhoods. I look at my city. so full of crime, so full of hate. I think about the children who come on the vans to church. The kids that nobody wants. They are rude, obnoxious, out of control, and are neglected by society. The only world they know is a violent one. Where education doesn't matter, laws don't matter, the only thing that matters is the dollar and how they can get more. Many of these kids live in drug houses, very few have fathers. Some are just a government check that gets spent at the casino. Some are just a piece of property. alot have been expelled from school for fighting and every single one of them have extreme baggage and pressure that they carry with them everyday. What do they want to be when they grow up? alive...

I think about my own robbed childhood. Most of my adolescent/teenage years were spent wishing i was grown up so i could get the heck out of that house and away from those people. I just wanted to get to college. That was the day I would leave that world behind. I remember it like it was yesterday. I have never felt such freedom and such a sense of responsibility until that day. I knew that from that point on I was by myself. I had nobody to help me, I had nobody but myself to lean on. Every decision i would make would be made on my own. some decisions have been good and some have been very VERY bad.

The holidays are always such a bad time for me. Thats usually when I fight depression the most. While everyone scurries around to buy presents and getting excited to spend time with family i remember how alone I am. I remember the countless christmas' where i wasn't included. I remember the sadness that came with that. Another lonely christmas comes and goes. I usually end up spending christmas with a friend and that never helps. I get 'the look' the pity look. the 'i can't believe this young woman is alone on christmas look' I guess i have gotten use to it over the years. Helping the homeless at the holidays has helped alot. Those are people i can relate too.

So what do you want to be when you grow up?

I just answered this Featured Question; you can answer it too!